"The Most Interesting Facebook Friend in the World"

There are genius advertising campaigns, and then there is "The Most Interesting Man in the World" Dos Equis phenomenon. I mean, seriously, these commercials make many Super Bowl ads look like they should have aired at 3 am on a Sunday morning.

Of course, we will never be able to create a parody that would do justice to this advertising campaign, but if there was such thing as "The Most Interesting Facebook Friend in the World," here's how I would imagine him to be:

1) He was Mark Zuckerberg's first Facebook friend.

2) His relationships with women are official before they become Facebook official.

3) His profile has its own server (and backup server) at Facebook's headquarters because he kept shutting down the site from the inordinate amount of likes and comments his posts were generating.

4) His account includes a "don't like" button.

5) When he created his account, his "Profile Pictures" album was automatically named "I Know I Look Good."

6) When he instant messages a girl -- which he rarely does because they almost always initiate the conversation -- they never ignore him by signing off or pretending to "not be by their computer."

7) He has the Facebook app on his cell phone. And he doesn't have a smart phone.

8) He was the first, second and third choice to play Mark Zuckerberg in "The Social Network," but he decided to forgo the role because he thought it would be selfish to not only shatter the all-time records for box office, DVD, Blu-ray and on-demand sales, but also completely put them out of reach.

9) Business owners grant him free lifetime purchases just so he will "check in" at their venues.

10) He has to set aside two hours everyday just to go through his notifications.

11) He almost never initiates a friend request, but in the extremely rare instance that he does, the request is automatically confirmed without the recipient's approval or denial.

12) He has never been unfriended.

13) When it's his birthday, the Dalai Lama, President Obama and the Pope write on his wall.

14) When he searches for someone -- again, an extremely rare instance -- they always show up under the search results, even if that person is unsearchable according to their privacy settings.

He is "The Most Interesting Facebook Friend in the World."

Thanks for reading - Josh