"The Most Interesting Facebook Friend in the World"

There are genius advertising campaigns, and then there is "The Most Interesting Man in the World" Dos Equis phenomenon. I mean, seriously, these commercials make many Super Bowl ads look like they should have aired at 3 am on a Sunday morning.

Of course, we will never be able to create a parody that would do justice to this advertising campaign, but if there was such thing as "The Most Interesting Facebook Friend in the World," here's how I would imagine him to be:

1) He was Mark Zuckerberg's first Facebook friend.

2) His relationships with women are official before they become Facebook official.

3) His profile has its own server (and backup server) at Facebook's headquarters because he kept shutting down the site from the inordinate amount of likes and comments his posts were generating.

4) His account includes a "don't like" button.

5) When he created his account, his "Profile Pictures" album was automatically named "I Know I Look Good."

6) When he instant messages a girl -- which he rarely does because they almost always initiate the conversation -- they never ignore him by signing off or pretending to "not be by their computer."

7) He has the Facebook app on his cell phone. And he doesn't have a smart phone.

8) He was the first, second and third choice to play Mark Zuckerberg in "The Social Network," but he decided to forgo the role because he thought it would be selfish to not only shatter the all-time records for box office, DVD, Blu-ray and on-demand sales, but also completely put them out of reach.

9) Business owners grant him free lifetime purchases just so he will "check in" at their venues.

10) He has to set aside two hours everyday just to go through his notifications.

11) He almost never initiates a friend request, but in the extremely rare instance that he does, the request is automatically confirmed without the recipient's approval or denial.

12) He has never been unfriended.

13) When it's his birthday, the Dalai Lama, President Obama and the Pope write on his wall.

14) When he searches for someone -- again, an extremely rare instance -- they always show up under the search results, even if that person is unsearchable according to their privacy settings.

He is "The Most Interesting Facebook Friend in the World."

Thanks for reading - Josh

What I Learned Today: Timing Is Everything

Many a time, when we hear cliches, we laugh or shrug or eye-roll them off because they're, well, cliche. They're unoriginal and overused; they bore us. As Freud points out, humans are pleasure-seeking creatures -- and there is nothing pleasurable about boredom.

Cliches, however, are often true. Perhaps that's another reason we don't allow them to resonate with us; all cliches aside, the truth (sometimes) hurts. We may seek the truth part of the time, but because we seek (what we perceive to be) pleasure all of the time, we often brainwash ourselves; in other words, we minimize our knowledge of the truth in order to maximize our feelings of pleasure. After all, ignorance is bliss, right?

This is what I learned today: We cannot simply ignore cliches, nor write them off. Instead, we must accept cliches as present-day criterion, like this one: Timing is everything.

Take New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, for example. Here's a guy who has all the tricks to the presidential trade. He's intelligent, informed, courageous and passionate. He combines his upper class goals with a middle class work ethic. He is true to his personal morals and political beliefs (which, regardless of whether or not your agree with him, is admirable when you consider the ever-changing, hyper-flipflopping that occurs in today's political arena). He commands the fundamental respect from those on both sides of the partisan aisle because he respects his opponents, but he is not afraid to be (respectfully) forthright if he disagrees with them. He compromises without compromising his values.

Relative to the two GOP presidential frontrunners, Christie is (consistently) more conservative than Mitt Romney, but not as conservative as Rick Santorum, who is effectively alienating both the moderate and independent bases. In other words, a Christie presidential campaign could captivate the masses of his party AND the overwhelming majority of moderates and independents. If he would have answered the Republican curtain call to run for president last fall, all indications are Christie could not only trump his contemporaries for the GOP nomination, but he could also be a formidable, electable opponent in the upcoming national election against President Obama. Quite simply, Christie fits today's presidential mold like the glass slipper fit Cinderella.

So why isn't he running for the U.S. presidency?

As Christie contemplated a presidential campaign some six months ago, he and his family came to this conclusion: The timing just isn't right.

Thanks for reading - Josh

What I Learned Today: Love vs. Proper Love

It seems mainstream society indirectly (and falsely) teaches us at an early, naive age -- in many cases -- that love is the magic key which unlocks the fairy tale door to achieving a prosperous, fulfilling romantic relationship (i.e. through movies). Thus, we become enthralled with uncovering this key -- and when we find it, we must make sure we never lose it.

It isn't until we experience first-hand what it's like to (try to) develop and maintain this sort of relationship -- with hopes of falling in love -- that we realize there is so much more to a relationship than the feelings of falling in, being in and making love. Yet, even when we do experience it first-hand, we still put so much emphasis on being in love, in large part because -- as Freud (I think) correctly points out -- we are pleasure-seeking creatures. We don't fully comprehend how our actions (or inactions) affect our partner, or the relationship, because we are brainwashed into thinking love is all-conquering; nothing we do or say (or don't do and don't say) can ever defeat it.

Piers Morgan, the CNN talk show host, often asks his guests if they have ever been "properly in love." I never really understood, until now, why he prefixed "in love" with "properly." I initially assumed it was just another aspect of his multifaceted, ever-growing Englishman schtick.

But this is what I learned today: Just because two people are in love doesn't mean they have the wherewithal to develop and maintain a prosperous, fulfilling romantic relationship. So many -- dare I say too many? -- variables must synchronously align in order for two (proper) lovers to truly, effectively maximize their prosperity and fulfillment, and thus properly be in love. And sometimes, unfortunately, the unaligned variables are nearly impossible for two partners to naturally align because one too many variables are simply out of people's control, sometimes for the time being, other times forever.

Thus, being properly in love is the pinnacle of giving, taking and making love, because it almost perfectly combines the powerfully intoxicating emotions of love with the natural alignment of the vast assortment of variables.

Thanks for reading - Josh

The Real War America is Fighting

When 9/11 plastered this country some 10 years ago, the United States and its citizens unified faster than Jeremy Lin's emergence as the New York Knicks’ basketball Jesus.

American flags flew in overwhelming abundance. Spectators belted our national anthem at sporting events across the country. Patriotism was once again alive and well.

However, our freedoms were enormously endangered, and we were willing to do anything and everything – you know, like starting two aimless wars – to prevent it from becoming extinct, at least according to former President George W. Bush and his administration.

A decade has passed since we were, as President Bush put it, “awakened to danger and called to defend freedom.” Much has transpired over that time, notably the worst economic downfall since the Great Depression and a housing market that tripped over its own untied shoes and fell flat on its face.

But not all has been lost. Osama bin Laden, who many believe was the architect behind 9/11, is dead. The U.S. automobile industry, once on the brink of bankruptcy, is thriving again. U.S. combat in Iraq has concluded.

Certainly there is plenty more work to be done, but then again, when isn’t that the case? Shouldn't the mark of a great country, at least in part, be determined by its ability to constantly strive for improvement, regardless of its current state and spirit?

President Bush once said, “There is no limit to the greatness of America,” as his administration quickly and consistently plugged American patriotism and exceptionalism post-9/11. God forbid anyone spoke out against this country and its government, or they were deemed unpatriotic, or even worse -- cue dramatic sound effect -- a terrorist.

“Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists,” President Bush proclaimed.

And yet, amidst the propaganda put forth by the (Republican) Bush administration, all his GOP friends do is attack President Obama, his administration and their policies. They might as well blame him for Whitney Houston’s death while they’re at it.

The anti-Obama sentiments preached by most Republicans are so starkly contentious, they’ve started a war far worse than the supposed “War on Terror” that ensued after 9/11.

Forget policies and principles for a second, and take a look at the big picture: It’s the battle between the right and the left that is blackening the red, white and blue.